Goals
“Every art, and every investigation, and likewise every practical pursuit or undertaking, seems to aim at some good”. In other words, all our actions, deliberate thoughts and pursuits are aimed at achieving some goal. That is the opening premise of Aristotle’s great inquiry about how to live well – the ‘Nicomachean Ethics’. The point is, there is a goal that we are progressing towards in everything we do or choose not to do in every moment of every day, even though most of those goals may not have been deliberately chosen by us. And we will eventually achieve some of those goals, including those we don't intend to.
Of course, we have goals and aspirations that are more specific and deliberate; to eat healthy and exercise, to learn and grow our skills, get promoted, earn more, spend more time with loved ones, serve our communities... the list can be endless. We cannot do all those things at once, so we must prioritise. But to prioritise our goals, we must judge some of those goals to be more important than others. For example, there is a variety of food we can eat. Some are healthy but not easy to cook and vice versa. Ideally, there'd be some that are both healthy and easy to cook, but our diet also needs to be diverse to be healthy and wholesome. Similarly, we are capable of actions and thoughts and harbouring desires that are wholesome as well as corrosive. ‘The good we aim for’ or the goals we pursue can be categorised according to a hierarchy of their importance and how well we are placed to achieve them.
The desire to improve or recognising reasons ‘why we must’ and ‘how we can’ improve is the highest order of goals we can have, because all other goals we pursue are steppingstones to that. If progressing in our journey of improvement is our highest goal, all other goals are like the bridges we need to build across ravines, and tunnels we have to dig through obstacles in our way for us to keep moving along.
We will use the analogy of building bridges because that can be a helpful way to illustrate the process we are going to discuss in detail and to understand how the Self-Mentoring Guide can help you plan your self-improvement goals. So try to visualise your journey in life as an expedition across unchartered territory. You may not have a clear idea about where exactly your destination is, but I am sure you would have clear expectations of what kind of place it ought to be, as well as how you want to enjoy the journey towards it. This is where it is helpful to imagine your goals as the bridges you will inevitably need to build across ravines or how you might have to tunnel through obstacles to progress towards your destination. Aristotle called this ultimate destination - the highest aspiration and sum total of all our purposeful actions, wholesome thoughts and desires - ‘Eudaimonia’.
To choose our goals, or to let goals choose us... that is the question.
You and I are always - either building bridges across the abyss towards the shore we want to reach or passively following the contours of the land hoping someday and somehow to reach the other side. Or worse, languishing in one place. We cannot stop the river or wish away the mountain – but we can choose whether we build a bridge or tunnel to cross it. The only other alternatives are to wonder aimlessly hoping that luck would carry us across or wind up in a place we never intended.
Crafting goals
If we are deliberate and reflective about the goals we choose, then we can earn the opportunity - and hopefully time – to be purposeful about how we plan to pursue them. We then can evaluate our options and choose how best we can bridge the space between where we are and where we want to be. These types of goals can be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timebound or SMART goals. But some of them cannot be all those things - some of the more relevant goals we pursue cannot be timebound, nor measurable. And only barely achievable.
Being deliberate about choosing our goals is to consider – continuing with our analogy – whether the bridge we want to build will lead us in the general direction we want to travel. But that’s not all. Well-built and reliable bridges come at a cost. We cannot achieve everything – so we always pursue some goals at the expense of others. Sometimes we pay the price for achieving our goals, sometimes the price is paid by our loved ones or friends. We may be the ultimate beneficiaries of some of the goals we achieve but not always, or for all of them. It takes more life experience, foresight and imagination to know the true cost of some of the more ambitious goals we chase – let alone who will pay the price and who will ultimately benefit from it. So, when we find that we need a guide and mentor to help us craft our goals wisely, finding someone who has travelled the same path before and had the time and maturity to reflect on their experiences both objectively and deeply may prove difficult. This is where the accumulated wisdom of the ages can be a reliable guide. Books like the 'Nicomachean Ethics' may be helpful but can prove insufficient. Most people who claim to be able to 'motivate' and guide us can prove misleading. That is because there is no advise or past experiences out there, anywhere, that is tailored specifically for us. Reliable mentoring and guidance are not something than can be mass-produced. The best we can hope for is a heuristic, and general wisdom - not of a single lifetime but the distilled essence from many generations – which we must be able to apply to our specific circumstances.
Who will build the bridge with you?
In much the same way that a bridge need supports to hold its own weight and of those traveling on it, we cannot achieve any worthwhile goal on our own. Never trust anyone who says that they did it all on their own. Understanding what help we need to achieve our goals and who can help us is crucial. Take time to understand the source of your courage and be thankful for the places where you find unfailing strength. Befriend them with all your heart and be true and faithful to them, and to yourself, always!
Remember that it is not only the active support of others that we need, but cooperation. A colleague of mine who had joined another company once called me and told be about an opportunity that turned out to be exactly what I needed at the time to take the next step forward in my career. He could have prevented me from having that opportunity by just doing nothing – either if he didn’t know that I was looking for such an opportunity or just by choosing not to share it with me.
Flexibility and steadfastness
Finding balance in our pursuit of goals is also crucial. Bridges that are not well balanced can collapse. Similarly, we sometimes face choices in the pursuit of our goals that question the strength of our values - which are the foundation of all our actions and pursuits. For example, a friend of mine was offered a job that afforded him more responsibility and creative autonomy and fabulous benefits at a company that – among other things – was a weapons manufacturer. But my friend was sure that he would never work for an organisation which in his estimation had a negative social impact. Therefore, even though it pained him to do so, he rejected the offer. Sometimes we are tempted to use materials in the bridges we build – whose weight can compromise the integrity of the foundations and pillars. Sometimes we must make extremely difficult decisions when the goals we want to achieve end up being more than just a matter of how we spend our time and effort – but also define who we are as people.
The measure of success
Since we are using the analogy of building bridges, there are three metrics which engineers use to determine the quality of their designs. They must be engineered to withstand the trials of its environment and perform a) adequately b) efficiently and c) reliably. Similarly, the goals we set out to achieve must also be evaluated with respect to how much they help us improve, at what cost and how sustainable they are.
The engineering method
The more important goals we set for ourselves do not have accompanying instructions or pre-built components – like Lego sets. Instead, much like a bridge, the design must first consider the topography and geology of the specific location and then formulate a process for construction. Building a bridge – much like achieving a goal – is a lengthy and difficult process. It is certainly way too complex for one set of experts or workers to accomplish. Therefore, engineers usually break down the larger problem of bridge building to a sequence of smaller problems in a logical and orderly manner, and according to different specialties. A goal can similarly be broken down into a logical sequence of smaller – more manageable – tasks. Each of those tasks may need specific resources and skills, and perhaps even revisions. Each must be tested upon completion before we can build on them. So, the building process becomes instead a matter of solving a simpler set of problems in a logical and coherent sequence until – in the end – we end up with a bridge. I will show how this can be done at the end, but please don't skip ahead!
Choosing your crew
Bridge builders must manage many natural and man-made hazards. Access to construction sites is restricted for the safety of both workers and the public. But we need a skilled and disciplined workers on site – and experienced directors who understand not just the technicalities of bridge building but also are skilled at managing people. Similarly, understanding our companions and their ability to either contribute or hinder our progress will be an important consideration for some of the goals we set out to achieve. Companionship is needed for its own sake, and it is a worthy aspiration to be a good companion to others. But companions are also useful for our progress and growth. We rather blessed with good companions because there is no reliable way we can choose them. Therefore, the discernment to know will support and guide us and who will impede us in the pursuit of our goals is a skill that we need to hone on the job - with each goal we pursue.
Persevering through failure
Like bridge building, pursuing self-improvement can be a hazardous business. There are bound to be set-backs, cost blowouts, delays and revisions. We are not merely fallible but have a tendency to fail, and often. Perhaps the most difficult aspect of trying to improve as a person is persisting in the face of failure – because it is very easy to lose hope, if not our trust in our capacity, methods and sources of help and strength to keep persevering. Conversely, it is the faith we have in ourselves, in our methods and our sources of strength and motivation that will keep us going when things don’t go as we plan or fail. This is easier said than done, and not a point that can be lightly brushed over.
First let us consider self-belief. Often, our weaknesses and incapacity may be far more apparent than any hope or assurance about our ability to realise and fulfil our greater potential. It is possible that some of us may have faith in a higher power – patiently guiding and encouraging us to keep trying. Yet others may find motivation to improve for the sake of their loved ones or children. Whenever we find ourselves struggling to find any of these motivators or faith to drag us back to our feet when we are down, and to lay the next brick or bolt the next plank in the bridge we are trying to build, all we need is to take a deep breath and reflect on all that we can and indeed must be grateful for. Gratitude is the attitude that is available to all of us - merely for being alive right now and all the wonder and opportunities that represents.
Dealing with ambiguity, uncertainty and change
Ultimately, many of the life goals we set for ourselves – no matter how specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound they seem at first - can be notoriously difficult to contain within a simple definition or measured in terms of a single outcome. That is because a lot of life happens outside the boundaries of the goals we choose to pursue. Those parts of life are chaotic and unpredictable… haphazard and serendipitous. As much as the goals we set out to achieve can sometimes alter the course of our lives, more often it is the other way round. Therefore, how we track and measure our progress, and how we will know when we are done with a particular goal is almost always more important than the goal itself. That is because even in the pursuit of a single goal, we will have to respond to circumstances and information that force us to reevaluate or reconsider it many times.
Look ma, no goals! (Only processes)
All things considered, perhaps the most effective strategy for the pursuit of life's goals is to integrate them into a daily routine. For example, imagine that your goal is to write a book. Your ability to achieve it as well as your evaluation of its cost, the process of identifying those who can help you achieve it, and solving the smaller problems in the correct sequence; all the intrinsic and extrinsic motivators that will keep pushing you forward through every setback and failure... all these will become apparent only when you begin to convert that goal into a process and part of a daily routine. It will force you to step down from your dreams and grapple with real forces that will both help and hinder progress.
No matter how busy or idle we are, every minute of every day is already full. So, every new goal must find a place in our daily lives. Existing commitments and obligations, indulgences and extravagances, wasteful habits and addictions as well as all the meaningful and deeply rewarding commitments we have, will need to be shifted or moved out to make room. Otherwise, the goal will have to be shelved or discarded altogether. That is why setting goals is a useful exercise in its own right – because they force us to reflect on how we spend our days. Goals that are rich and meaningful can not only powerfully propel us towards realising our potential; but they also motivate us to identify bad habits or addictions that we can replace with better ones, as we aspire to be even a little bit better today than we were yesterday.